I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
