There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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