this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
