i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
