Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
