8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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