Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
