Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
