I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
