Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
