how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
