I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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