I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
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