using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
