Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i think i have herpe
just one?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
