Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
