I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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