we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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