haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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