I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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