All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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