I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
