buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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