we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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