I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize