I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
