I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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