Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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