yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
