I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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