The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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