Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
