He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
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"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
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I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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