i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
