Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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