Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
