awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Randomize
