I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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