Three words: puerto rican gang bang
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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