At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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