i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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