btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
