she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
