I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
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Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
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Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
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