dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
