she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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