it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
