it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
