yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
