First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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