would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
