OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
