We won't sleep together?
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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