please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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