I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
