Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
