If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
