mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Sober January is a disaster.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
