It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Randomize
