i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
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i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
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And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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