Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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