You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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