Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
