Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
