i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
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