dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
