allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
