Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
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Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
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Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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