I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
