Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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