i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
