We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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