i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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