You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
