Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
