At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
