So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Life is so much better after having sex.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
