return my video game
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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