Where is the hickey?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
