haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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