When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
send nudes
from the living room?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
