I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
