I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
honey bunches of taint.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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