The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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