This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
All I want is dick and wine.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
